Betty The Builder

Drama

I've often wondered about people who are always dealing with one crisis or the next.  Some of them big, some small, but it always seems that there is never a calm moment.  Everything is so dramatic. 

Do these people attract the drama or is it just their 'luck'?  Does the drama come because of choices they did or did not make?

I've always been one to avoid drama and when it comes creeping my way, I try to sidestep it.  Maybe I'm too calm and easy going.  Or maybe I'm avoiding some issue but not letting the drama in.  Am I missing out on something?

This totally fascinates me.  Just yesterday an issue came up with work that I took in stride...was concerned about, addressed the issue and moved on.  Yet someone else took that same issue, blew it up into something more, thought about it all day long, was ready to resign and then tells me it was the worst day of their life. 

Do people look at me and think I don't care because I don't get upset over certain issues?

I choose not to let the drama in...am I making the right choice?  Just wondering out loud.

Paradise

Costa Rica, April 2009

"I count it as a certainty that in paradise, everyone naps."
—Tom Hodgkinson

Girlfriends

Me and Ka-Le, May 2009

When my family first moved to Keysville in 1977, I was 10 and that was an age where it was easy to make friends.  We lived across the street from the elementary school and in the middle of town so there were plenty of kids in the neighborhood to play with.  My first friend in Keysville was Ka-Le.  She lived down the street in this great big victorian house and we'd hang out there all the time.  Climbing up on the black tin roof to suntan (yes this was before we knew about sunscreen).  We'd play kick the can over at the elementary school or 'ghost in the graveyard' in the neighborhood. 

As we got older, we liked the same guys...and fought over a few.  When I was 16, my mother got a job in Northern Virginia so I had to leave Keysville.  This was the summer after my sophomore year of high school and I was devastated.  I had to leave all of my friends but of course we promised to stay in touch.  For many years we did.  We'd write and I still had family in Keysville so we'd visit but it wasn't the same as living there.  Through college, we'd still keep in touch through letters but we were slowly drifting apart. 

Fast forward 20+ years and the wonders of technology, specifically Facebook, and Ka-Le and I are back in touch.  The first time we got together after all these years, it was almost like we hadn't missed a beat.  Sure we missed many events in each others lives, marriage, divorce, illness, death, birth, and we both thought about each other over the years wondering what was happening in each other's lives.  The minute we saw each other again, those years just melted away and we fell right back into a great friendship.  Since reconnecting, we've spent several weekends together and I am so very thankful to have her back in my life. 

I'm a day late, but Happy Birthday Ka-Le!  I'm so very happy to have you back in my life and can't wait to enjoy more fun times together!

Alone

Taken in Costa Rica, April 2009

I have the most amazing friends.
I have a family who loves me even though they don't always get me.
I have a job.
My health is pretty good.
I'm able to travel and see places not everyone is able to see.
I live in a great big house...way too big...that I'm trying to sell.
I live there with my ex-boyfriend who is now my roommate.

If you look at my life, I am so very blessed.

So then why are there times when I feel completely alone?

Dreams

Your biggest dreams are coming to life today -- or at least they're coming closer! You may need to try something a bit extreme if you want to pull in the extras that could come your way.  - Horoscope for today

Ready

{still having problems uploading photos...must be user error}

When my brother, John, died almost 20 years ago, a part of me shut down.  It took me almost 20 years to realize this.  I put up a wall that kept me from getting hurt.  Part of my heart was sectioned off.  I couldn't handle that kind of loss again.  I've been married and thought he was the love of my life, but have since realized, that was in my head, not my heart.  I went through a divorce that should have been devastating, but it wasn't.  Hard, yes, devastating, no.  In my most relationship that just ended, I always knew I wasn't in love with him but it was comfortable and safe. 

Keeping a part of my heart safe has kept me from experiencing that 'true love'. 
I know its out there. 
I am finally, finally ready to throw caution to the wind and forget about those old fears. 
I am finally ready to open up my whole heart and experience all that love.
I am ready to find the love of my life. 

I am ready.

Upheaval

My house is nice and neat and tidy...except for one room that has all the stuff that needs to be packed up.  We had someone come in on Friday to 'stage' our house to put it on the market.  So there's a bowl of fruit on the kitchen island and nothing else.  There's some furniture but no knickknacks in the family room.  There's nothing on my kitchen table.  And all of the other rooms have been pared down too.  The bathrooms have decorative towels but we have to hide the ones we use daily.  Its like living in a model home BUT if this is what we need to do to sell this house, then I need to suck it up and quit whining.  There is one place where I still feel comfortable and cozy and that's the basement.  She didn't rearrange all the furniture and I got to keep my favorite painting on the wall.  So in the midst of all this upheaval, that's the place where I can still feel 'at home'.  (I tried to post a picture of it here but seem to be having issues with uploading images). 

So if I'm not writing very much here its because there's alot going on with getting the house ready.  Hopefully once we officially put it on the market, it won't take long to sell.

Neglected

{a picture was supposed to be here but I couldn't get it loaded}

I have neglected this blog for over a month.
I have neglected any creative endeavors.

I think I was in hibernation during the cold weather.

It is now warmer and I have energy and am ready to emerge from my cocoon.

Hopefully I can be a little better about writing here.

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Some cool things going on.

The wonderful Boho has a delicious Giveaway over at her blog....check it out here.

Ms Swirly always has cools stuff going on.  Check out her website for her Five Things on Friday.  Also check out her calendar for some exciting events.

If you haven't signed up for Squam Art Workshops, what are you waiting for?  It will inspire you and leave you wanting more.  Go...sign up NOW!

This great event was created by this amazing woman.  If you've never checked out her blog....she is not only creative, beautiful and inspiring...she is so damned funny!

And of course, these wonderful women are always so creative and inspiring.

Eyes Wide Open

My dilated eye, December 2008

I stopped making resolutions many years ago.  They are always the same, lose weight, eat better, be kinder, etc.

These year I've seen a lot of people choosing a word that they want to embrace in 2009.  There are too many for me to choose from.

Then there's my family who decided to make predictions for the new year.  None of them were that suprising...one of my cousins having another kid, my brother gaining weight while my father loses it.  I really can't think of anything I want to predict.

I've thought about it alot, what will 2009 look like for me.  I've discovered something about myself in the last weeks of 2008 that I need to explore further.  I do know that there will be lots of change, selling a house, buying a house, moving, dating, traveling.  But what will my life LOOK like?  I don't really know and I don't think I want to at this particular moment. 

For 2009,

I want to go in with no preconceived notions.

I want to look forward and not backwards. 

I want to be OPEN to all possibilities. 

I want to let go and not always have complete control. 

I want to have FUN and enjoy every precious moment of this life. 

I want to let go of always having to be strong. 

I want to say YES to things I normally wouldn't do and NO when I just don't want to.

I want to live my life with eyes wide open to all the possibilities. 

Gratitude

Allie posing for next year's Christmas card

I have decided to quite my whining and waiting for the next shoe to drop.  Instead, I am going to focus on moving forward and being grateful for all of the wonderful things in my life.

My family who love and support me no matter what.  Even though they're a little bit crazy, I love them too!

My friends who are some of the most amazing people...I sometimes have to pinch myself to realize that they are really my friends. 

Allie, who brings me joy every single day.  I often wonder why I waited so long to get a pet and I can't imagine what I'd do without her.

I am still young and in fairly good health and I have health insurance to take care of all this little issues I've dealt with lately.  I really don't know what people do without it.

I have a job and can pay my bills...and if something happens to that job, I know that I will be ok.

I have a roof over my head and food on the table and heat and warm clothes and all of the necessities that so many people are lacking.

I wake up each day and can see the beauty around me and can hear the birds chirping and can smell the rain and the pine trees and can taste all the yummy food (cookies) and I can feel...joy and sorrow...and I can laugh.

I am so very blessed and sometimes when I'm complaining about the little things, I just need to look around and realize how very lucky I am to be here, now.

Merry Christmas to all!